Navigating Razor Wire A Collection of Poetry & Thoughts

@navigating_razor_wire

***Trigger Warning – Childhood Sexual Abuse & Suicide

I have been working on this collection of poetry and thoughts since 2018. It is inspired by my own experience of being a childhood sexual abuse survivor and my work with at-risk youth over the past 4 decades – the vast majority of whom are/were survivors. They include boys, girls, LGBTQ2S individuals, Indigenous and non-Indigenous youth ranging in age from 12 to 24.

Being abused as a kid robs you of so much. Your innocence, your identity, your self-worth, your life as you knew it. It forever changed me. It manifested itself in inexplicable ways. It has taken me about 55 years to recognize and come to terms with all of the above and turn a devastating experience into something that will hopefully help others in some way.

I also hope to raise awareness around this heartbreaking issue for those who did not have this experience and struggle to understand our struggle. Working through childhood sexual abuse is very slow and very painful and I stopped many times along the way. Sometimes I stopped for years at a time. I fully understand why we turn to drugs and alcohol and other forms of self destruction so we don’t have to deal with the pain and I fully understand why so many of us avoid even one attempt to get through it. It really is like navigating razor wire.

Until now my experience is not something I have shared with many people. I went it alone for a very long time. I shouldn’t have. As for my abuser, he is dead and I do not wish to inflict the pain and shame that identifying him would bring upon his family so he will remain nameless. For the record, I do want to state that it was not my grandfathers, my father, or my brothers. They were good men.

I do not need to forgive my abuser. I only need to forgive myself for how I was as a result of being abused and to ask for the forgiveness of the people I may have hurt as a result of my trauma. I have done most of what I feel I need to do and am at peace. I feel like I was able to start closing that book when I started writing this one.

I am grateful I didn’t end my life when I was a teen. I am grateful I quit drinking before I had kids. I am grateful I was able to come to terms with what happened to me. I am grateful for my wonderful family and friends. My life turned out more beautiful that I could have ever imagined and I am so grateful to have the opportunity to turn something bad into something good. Thank you for taking the time to read my words.